News Flash

Hi!  Just a heads-up for those of you who read my blog, I have moved my location and consolidated everything under one heading, Squeakings of a House Mouse, at:

http://squeakingsofahousemouse.blogspot.com/

A Psalm of Thanksgiving

Psalm 116 (The Devotional Bible, by Max Lucado)

I love the Lord, because he listens to my prayers for help. He paid attention to me, so I will call to him for help as long as I live.
The ropes of death bound me, and the fear of the grave took hold of me.
I was troubled and sad. Then I called out the name of the Lord, I said, "Please, Lord, save me!"

The Lord is kind and does what is right, our God is merciful. The Lord watches over the foolish, when I was helpless, he saved me.

I said to myself, "Relax, because the Lord takes care of you." Lord, you saved me from death, you stopped my eyes from crying; you kept me from being defeated.

So I will walk with the Lord in the land of the living. I believed, so I said, "I am completely ruined." In my distress I said,, "All people are liars."

What can I give the Lord for all the good things he has given to me? I will lift up the cup of salvation, and I will pray to the Lord. I will give the Lord what I promised in front of all his people.

The death of one that belongs to the Lord is precious in his sight. Lord I am your servant; I am your servant and the son of your female servant. You have freed me from my chains. I will give you an offering to show thanks to you, and I will pray to the Lord.

I will give the Lord what I promised in front of all his people, in the Temple courtyards in Jerusalem.

Praise the Lord.


This is one of my many favorites in the Psalms. At one point of my life, I was in such despair that I wanted to end it. I was trapped on one side of a huge wall, and the rest of the world was on the other. I didn't know how to climb the wall. But I had faith, somewhere in my depths, that I was not even aware of. Jesus broke down that wall. He gave me a reason to live and brought wonderful people into my life. At the lowest point of my life, when I was contemplating suicide, I was only 18. Now I am getting old and unable to do a lot of things I'd like to do, but the Lord guards my way and keeps my feet steady and sets me upon His High Places, because He keeps His promises. He said, "I will never leave you nor forsake you!" If you are distress today, know that Jesus is aware and is so close to you right now. If you have sunk into despair, He is the ladder to climb out of it on. He will make your steps steady and lead you in the way everlasting, because He has promised to take care of us, and He will. Turn your eyes upon Jesus instead of your circumstances, and know that His hand is outstretched to you. Take it, and rejoice for the Lord God Almighty has not forgotten you. You are His child and He loves you whether you love Him or not. Maybe you don't know Him. Maybe no one has ever explained it to you before. He came that you might have life and have it more abundantly. Trust Him. He will bring you out of all your deep waters, He will part the sea of despair and let you walk through. He did it then, He will do it again in your life. Let Him in. He is waiting just outside the door of your heart.
His words are just as true today..."If ANY man hears me knock and opens the door to his heart, I and my Father will come in and sup with him and stay with him." It's a promise that He will keep. You're the one who has to open the door. True Life is waiting just on the other side of the door of your heart.

God's Works and Word

Psalm 19:1-14

The heavens tell the glory of God, and the skies announce what his hands have made.  Day after day they tell the story; night after night they tell it again.  They have no speech or words; they have no voice to be heard.  But their message goes out through all the world; their words go everywhere on earth.  The sky is like a home for the sun.  The sun comes out like a bridegroom from his bedroom.  It rejoices like an athlete eager to run a race.  The sun rises at one end of the sky and follows its path to the other end.  Nothing hides from its heat.

The teachings of the Lord are perfect; they give new strength.  The rules of the Lord can be trusted, they make plain people wise.  The orders of the Lord are right; they make people happy.  The commands of the Lord are pure; they light up the way.  Respect for the Lord is good; it will last forever.  The judgments of the Lord are true; they are completely right.  They are worth more than gold, even the purest gold.  They are sweeter than honey, even the finest honey.  By them your servant is warned.  Keeping them brings great reward.

People cannot see their own mistakes.  Forgive me for my secret sins.  Keep me from the sins of pride; don't let them rule me.  Then I can be pure and innocent of the greatest of sins.

I hope my words and thoughts please you.  Lord, you are my Rock, the one who saves me.

Taken from The Devotional Bible, by Max Lucado
General Edition
Experiencing the Heart of Jesus


These words say more than anything I could put together.  It is good and true, like the purest of foods for a newborn baby.  His words strengthen and heal us.  His word has Power to overcome all Evil.  Let us rejoice in the words of the Lord and live according to all his statutes.  In the Name of the Lord, May His Peace rest upon all of you who read these words, and may your hearts be filled with joy.

Peace to you and every good blessing be yours!
Your Sister in Christ, Bonnie

Karma

Today I am going to post something from my Tao book.  I read it everyday along with my Bible.  I often see the same thing being said in 2 different ways.  There are more that agree, than disagree.  I hope you enjoy this little excursion into another realm.  It always pays to be open-minded towards life.  It has much to teach us, and I think you will find that this resonates with a truth that can't be denied or done away with.  In essence, it is teaching us to "do unto others, what you'd have other's do unto you!"

From "The Tao of Joy Every Day", by Derek Lin.   Day 189:

"Once we see the Tao as the oneness that includes all of us, we can also see that karma must be the energy exchanges in this metaphysical medium.  Just as there are actions and rections in the physical world, karmic energies must also go back and forth along the connections of the Tao.  Loving kindness toward others may come back as helpful assistance; hatred and abuse toward others will also come back as equivalent negative consequences.

This is why sages have always taught that the movement of the Tao is circular.  What goes around will always come around, regardless of its positive or negative characteristics.  This movement takes place in the timeless Tao, so it is not constrained by the passage of years or even lifetimes.  Sooner or later, all accounts will be balanced; karma has all of eternity to see to this.

Look at your every action in a new light; not as a single, isolated event, but as a stone cast into an invisible pool of metaphysical water.  Visualize a karmic ripple spreading outward from you, affecting more and more people as its circle expands.  You know this is the beginning of an exchange of karmic energy.  You also know that, before too long, you will see ripples being reflected back at you."


Very often we get upset with some negative happening in our lives.  We'd all like to have good luck all the time.  But rarely do we see that our own negativity brings with it a negative reaction.  We can't control others, but we can control ourselves.  We are in essence, shaping our own destiny.  "Do unto others"....be kind and thoughtful, and you will receive in like manner.  You are the Captain of your ship.  Steer it well and enjoy your destination's.  Every day you have the opportunity to change your fate.  You are in control.

Made In His Image

Today I want to dip my artist brush in the color of laughter & fun.  When God decided to create us, He created us in His image.  That means we are like God in every way.  He gave us eyes to see with, ears to hear with, a mouth to speak with and to enjoy the foods we eat.  He gave us a brain to think with, a heart to love with, feet to walk with and to enjoy the many beauties of the earth that we can visit and walk to.  He gave us a physical body to enjoy the experiences of life with.  Our hands touch, feel, feed us, help us to write, to paint, to play music, to do all the miriad functions we do in life.  He created us with emotions too.  If we are touched by something wonderful, we can feel gratitude and enjoyment.  If we think about something sad, we cry.  When we do something wrong to someone, we feel guilty.  If something scares us we feel fear.  We have the ability to reflect on our past and our conscience  helps us to know right from wrong.

But what about Laughter & Fun?  Does God laugh?  Does He have fun?  Does He rejoice in his creation?  Do you think He made us in His image and that His image is only and always serious?  Think about it for a moment.  There are some pretty funny things that we as humans do.  There are some very funny things in this life.  Are we afraid to laugh?  Do we really think that a God of Love made us to always be serious and not have a sense of humor and the ability to enjoy life?  I think sometimes about the statement about God being a comedian playing to an audience who is afraid to laugh, and I see a whole other side of God.  God made us in His image, and thus we are multi-faceted.  There were some churches around when I was very young, that forbade the women to cut their hair, or to wear dresses that had short sleeves.  No makeup, no pretty things to wear.  They had many rules and rigid expectations of their congregations.  But to laugh and have fun was not one of them.

To me, God is my Daddy.  He tells me in his word that He is my Heavenly Father.  That He loves me and created the world the way it is so I can have abundant life.  He wants me to have health  & to prosper in all I do.  He is kind, loving, warm, my Father.  He wants to hear about what I'd like to accomplish in life, and when I'm sad He shares in my sorrow.  So why not think that if I am made in His image, why wouldn't He also have the ability to laugh with us and have fun, the way we have fun when our little babies begin to walk and talk and do funny things? We think He is rigid, so righteous that we can't approach Him, and when someone we love is terminally ill, we often lash out at God for letting this happen.

But God is Love.  Above all things, He Loves us.  He made us all different, each one is unique.  He has a variety of colors of skin, hair, eyes, and all sizes, small, large, round, thin, tall & short, with different favorite colors, different personalities, different tastes in things we like and things we don't like.  We are special.  Like no other species on earth.  Made to have dominion over the earth and take care of it and the living creatures we encounter on earth.  But often we are complaiing and wining about our predicaments, and they are often caused by our own carelessness and lack of attention.  A different God than what most think of Him.  So much variety to life.  And we are His people, made in His image, from top to bottom and inside and out, made in His image.  So I choose to think of God as my Daddy...I find I can laugh with Him, and have fun with Him, and be His child.  At the end of the day, I can go to Him and tell Him about my day without the fear of being rejected or found unholy because something funny happened to me today that I want to laugh abouut with Him.

We live our lives so seriously.  We struggle to achieve things.  We set up rigid rules and laws to follow.  We race around daily from place to place meeting deadlines, and trying to earn a living.  We struggle from sunup to sundown and fall into bed exhausted and often we find nothing funny about life.  Perspective.  Sit back and look at all we consider important to have.  We want a new car, a bigger house, a better job, more money, and then when we have it all, we find we are ill and can't enjoy our labors.  We work at a frantic pace to gain all these material things and never think about the God who made us.  I think He laughs.  I think He finds us funny and I think if we changed our view of God, the world would be a happier place for all of us.  We are all made in His image.  Our colors don't matter.  Our sizes don't matter.  Only to us.  We judge according to color, race, religion, and we segregate ourselves according to our status in life.

Perhaps it's time we dip our paint brushes in a new color and paint a different picture of the one who made us.  And He made us one and all, for Love.  For His Love.  For his Son.  For life.  He made  us to enjoy the life we have and to laugh and have fun.  It's not a sin.  When he made Eden, He made it for us.  Paradise?  That's for us too.  Provided for from beginning to end.  A god of Love.  A god who can laugh with us and have fun with us.  A god who shares in the good and the bad.  A God of laughter amd joy.  What have you been denying yourself?  You need laughter.  You need fun.  You need a less rigid view of the one who made you.  Just a new color, on a new pallet of life.  The ability to laugh and find humor in things was made into us, and we are made in His image, from beginning to end.

Yesterday Is Over, Only the Present To Enjoy

I found something in my Devotional Bible, by Max Lucado, that really touched me in places no one knows about but God and me.  Places of regret, shame, and much pain.  Places that only the Love of God can heal, and I want to share this message with you.  If you are in need of healing for thing's that happened to you that you did not ask for, then read this and see if you find relief and healing.  I know I did and I hope you will as well. 

"Canyons of shame run deep.  Gorges of never-ending guilt.  Walls ribboned with the greens and grays of death.  Unending echoes of screams.  Put your hands over your ears.  Splash water on your face.  Stop looking over your shoulder.  Try as you might to outrun yesterday's tragedies - their tentacles are longer than your hope.

Sometimes your shame is private.  Pushed over the edge by an abusive spouse.  Seduced by a compromising superior.  No one else knows.  But you know.  And That's enough.

Sometimes it's public.  Branded by a divorce you didn't want.  Contaminated by a disease you never expected.  Marked by a handicap you didn't create.  And whether it's actually in their eyes or just in your imagination, you have to deal with it - you are marked; a divorcee, an invalid, an orphan, an AIDS patient.

Whether private or public, shame is always painful.  And unless you deal with it, it is permanent.  Unless you get help - the dawn will never come.

Take Him with you to your canyon of shame.  Invite Christ to journey with you.  Let Him stand beside you as you retell the events of the darkest nights of your soul.

And then listen.  Listen carefully.  He's speaking.
"I don't judge you guilty."
And watch.  Watch carefully.  He's writing.  He's leaving a message.  Not in the sand, but on a cross.
Not with his hand, but with his blood.
His message has two words:  Not guilty."

If you have time today, why not free yourself from the past that haunts your every step?  Why not reach out for someone who knows your whole life story and can help you?  Do you doubt He's really there, that He's even concerned?  Believe me, He is there, He is concerned, and He can heal that awful scar on your soul.  You can begin again with Christ!
He is the only one who can heal your wounds.  Open your soul to the Healer and let His tender hands reach into your soul and heal those moments of abandonment and shame and want.  He can be all you ever dreamed of, or ever needed in your life.  If other's have disappointed you, He knows.  If other's have shunned you, He knows.  He has the blueprint for your life.  Let Him reconcile what you are today, with the blueprint only He has for your life, and He can make you over, today. You can begin again.  It's never too late.  I know.  I'm 65 and I'm starting over.  The Past is gone.  I only have today, and my future will be bright, because with Christ, I plan to paint the future as bright as I can.  So can you, for with Christ, "All Things Are Possible!"

Freedom

For many years, I suffered with a horrible disease.  Now, through the love and support of God, and all my wonderful family members, I am free and able to enjoy all the goodness of life.  The other day I was just enjoying the beautiful world, and a poem came to me.  This happens to me a lot, and I just thought maybe someone out there needs to feel free today as well.  So I am posting my poem, to share with you if you are in any sort of a mental or spiritual bind.  Know that the Love of God can set you free as well.  Trust in God for your life situation and He will bring the best to bear.  We may not always understand the things that happen, but we can trust our Heavenly Father, and He will make all things right.  Here then, is the poem:

                            FREEDOM

              Be free, free bird, fly, fly away.

              Grasp nothing in your claw or beak,
              simply enjoy the day.
             
              Rush no more to & fro
              busy about many things,
              simply feel the wind as you
              expand and lift on high your wings.

              The sun awaits up in the sky
              the day has dawned anew
              and all the beauy of the earth
              was fashioned just for you.

              No more the dull clothes of yesterday
              no more the endless tears
              but freedom now, my lovely bird,
              and notice not the years.

              A place of great expansion now
              is your to embrace anew!
              And never again will you doubt yourself,
              the girl in the mirror is you!


With the disease I had, I could sometimes look in the mirror and not even recognize myself.  Now, I know that the peace that looks back at me is mine to keep forever.  Nothing in my past has the power to conquor me ever again, and my life is now mine to enjoy, and to share the wonders of God's wonderful Love and Peace.  "What He has done for others, He will do for You!  With arms wide open, he'll comfort you, it is no secret what God Can Do."  My Mom and Dad use to sing this song when they were going to church.  It brings comfort to my heart and I hope they are both enjoying Heaven with Jesus.  If you are alone today, or worried about many things, give the burdens to Jesus, and He will give YOU wings!

A Christian View of The TAO & Life

I am a beloved child of God.  So are You.  His attributes are ours.  God dwells in all life forms.  All life is sacred.  Everyone is a manifestation of God.  The Tao and the everlasting presence of God are one in the same.  Gravity that holds us in place is but a manifestation of, as it were, the mighty power of Almighty god.

The beginning of the Universe was but a manifestation of a thought in the mind of God.  He spoke, or held the idea of the creation of life, and the beginning of the cosmos was born.  The matter of life is a direct thought of God.  Since God is, and always shall be, the matter of life will always be.  It only changes it's chemical makeup.  Trees live long lives.  The earth is warm in places, frozen and cold in others.  All is a part of Eternal Life.

We grow older, but we are the same person.  Only our surface changes.  When we die, we change this existence for another, and in this sense, we are eternal.

God is existence.  God always was, always is and forever shall be.  Petty problems will always exist.  They are manifestations of our own thoughts.  When we think things through before we do them, we create less problems and less turmoil."  As a man thinketh, so is he."

If we think peaceful thoughts, we are peaceful people.  When we apply ourselves and work on our own selves, and teach the same to our youngsters, we build peaceful and diligent generations to follow after us.

Calmness can be taught by example.  As we are quiet and at peace within, we are peaceful on the surface and are a calming and restful person who is connected to the inner mindfulness of God.  "God is not the author of chaos and confusion, but of peace, joy and a sound mind."

God is already in us.  "The Kingdom of Heaven is within you!"  A manifestation of the Tao, or God, as present in all life.  A perfect manifestation of the cosmos in ever-varied form.

Embrace your life and find peace within and without.  As God is, so are we.  Only the surface changes and melds into a different life form.  We are eternal, as God is eternal.  We, in all essence, are God personified.  Made in His image, and embued with a living part of God,
The Soul. 

You are one with God. 

A Case of Mistaken Purpose

I made a mistake that I am going to attempt to correct and hopefully acquire readers that will find the new content refreshing.  I am human, just like you are, and although I made some mistakes on my blog, the main purpose was to bring comfort and assurance in my own way.  I did not realize that I was coming across as pushy or begging others to abandon their own beliefs and take up my chosen belief system.  I am open to many types of religions, and have found the Tao to be something very worthy of following and learning as much as I can about it.  I will not attempt here to convince anyone, any longer, to believe as I do.  I embrace all people, all races, and all belief's.  There has to be more than one way to follow a path to more enlightenment, and as the TAO says, there is more than one path up the mountain.  It is our goal to ascend the mountains in life and to reach the top where we will be elightened and can look at creation with a new point of view.

I am not going to talk you to death, but I do want to get this posted because I realized today how I was coming across and I want to make a different approach to one of just allowing all people to follow their own hearts and make this site one of friendly conversation without dogmatic proselytizing on my part.  That's not how I meant to to come across and I am in the process of changing that.

I hope some of you who read maybe one time and found it distasteful, to give me another chance and come back and read and find comfort and enlightement or just friendly conversation about many things.  Life is so varied.  It can't be that One God created all of us differently and did not at the same time make it possible for may to follow the path they have been raised to follow and ascend to the top of their own mountains in life.  I will close this for now and better prepare myself in the future to be more light hearted and more helpful to those who may check in here for a bit of encouragement.

I hope to provide only that, nothing more or less.  Enlightenment comes to people in it's own way.  I want to share with you all I have discovered in the 65 years I have been here on planet earth, and I will do my best to be helpful in future.  So!  Here I am, again, with fresh perspectives on life and the things that will be helpful to many.  I hope you check in and see if you like the new approach to life and living it to the best for our own purposes and fulfillment!

A Humbling Experience

It's been a few weeks now, since I was led to a site that has blessed me so much, and that has shown me my own shortcomings.  It is called GODVINE.  A lot of people are on that site asking for prayer and sharing their stories with those who are on that site.  I feel I was led to that site for a reason and I'll try to describe my feelings both before and since I joined.

There was a person on this site that has a small child.  This little boy was born with several birth defects, one of which was that his eyes didn't form and he has no vision.  He had a cleft lip and I believe he had to have some sort of surgery when he was just a few days old.  People use to stare at him when his Mom took him out.  Now he plays and coos like any normal little baby does and when they go out, if people stare at him he seems to know and starts giggling.  They giggle back and talk to the Mom about "what's wrong with your baby?"  They have become examples of humility to me.  I feel like I was lacking this humility in my own life.  Perhaps I came across as judgemental without realizing it.  I apologize to anyone that felt that way too.

I am not here to pass judgement on anyone.  I am a sevant.  I am here to serve and I was lacking the humility I needed to accurately represent what Jesus is to me.  I hope to fix this part of my daily life and be the humble servant GOD would have me be. 

There are so many in need.  So many people hurting.  We can all find something in our lives to rejoice about.  I for one have a wonderful husband and a wonderful family.  I have had the love I needed that allowed me to function in society for years and hold down good jobs and help support our family.  I ran into trouble once, and created a lot of anxiety for myself and my family.  I was brow-beaten and mocked and made fun of because of my disability and people didn't believe I even had a disability to begin with.  I am SCHIZOPHRENIC.  There, it's out for the world to read.  I am not perfect in any way, and I have had this disease apparently since birth.  Sometimes I can get along on less medication, but I always end up going back to the med's because that keeps my body in line with my emotions and thoughts.  It is not a fun disease.  It's a very serious, very debilitating disease, and it comes out of nowhere and makes your life a living hell.  It's deceptive.  It can form out of nowhere seemingly, but it can destroy your peace of mind so quickly. 

After reading the many stories on GODVINE and having been hospitalized once with this disease, and saw the many who are affected by it and other mental disorders, I realize how fortunate I am to have the good Doctor's I do, and to have the medications that are effective for me.  There are many whom the medications don't help.  I have known remission for about a month and only had to take a small amount of medication.  But then it begins to make itself known again and I have to go back to taking the med's. It may not show on the outside, but it is there none-the-less and it eventually takes over if you don't take the medication.   On top of that, I had a heart attack at 43.  I had 7 blockages in my heart, and one was 70% closed off.  They told me part of my heart was dead.  It was very scary.  I was in pain for 3 days before they realized it was a heart attack.  I was given muscle relaxers in error, because the pain presented in my back between my shoulders.  No one would have suspected that it was my heart.  Then 3 days later I was still in a lot of pain and my son was rubbing my back trying to help and finally he called 911 and the ambulance came.  They didn't know what it was either, but they took me to the hospital anyway.  After I was admitted, they did an EKG and immediately began treating my pain with morphine and something that broke up the blood clot in my heart.

I was in intensive care for 8 days and in DOU (Direct Observation Unit) for 4 more.  They wanted to do an angiogram and I was afraid.  I watched the procedure on the hospital television and once I saw what they would do, I wasn't afraid of it as much and agreed to do it.  They took me to SCRIPPS Hospital in La Jolla and did the angiogram.  That's where they found the blockages.  They told me that if the one that was 70% occluded became even moreso, they would have to do open heart surgery.  With the proper medication, doctors, and diet changes and all the rest of the things you have to do, I now have no blockages and my new cardiologist said that no part of my heart is dead.  I believe that GOD works through his children to help us help one another.  I am so fortunate to have never had another heart attack, and am now on a medication that helps to prevent me ever having another one.  I come from a family that died very young from heart disease and I am able to say I have lived 22 more years without incident.  GOD  has been good to me and that's a story I haven't spoken about on here yet. 

GOD  is good.  He is a healer, provider, loving father and a guiding light to all those who call on Him.  He never promised any of us a rose garden.  I have had to work hard to keep my sanity, hard to have a healthier heart than I had when I was diagnosed with heart disease, and I have beel blessed with an additional 22  years of life.  I don't know when the end will come.  I just want to have good memories with those I love to look back on should I be the first to go.  We haven't experienced this type of loss in our own family yet.  It will be devastating when we do because we are all so close.  But in the meantime, I will go out with those I love and enjoy this beautiful earth that GOD so generously created for us all to enjoy, and I will make memories with those who love me to look back on fondly.  I am blessed with a wonderful husband, and 3 wonderful children, and 7 grandchildren.  I have a lot to do and to contribute to these people.  They are my life. 

So you see, I have a story too behind the things I have posted so far.  I am so blessed and it has been shown to me that there are so many so much worse off than I am.  I just wanted to serve GOD and help others to find this loving presence in their lives too. He is there for everyone.  Not just a few.  If other's can suffer with dignity, so can I.  I am not suffering though, because I am surrounded by loving people, and I have learned a lot about a disease that affects so many.  There are so many I can help.  I have a lot of insight into this disease, and readily recognize it without having to go over the edge of reality to have it brought home to me yet again, that it is still here and will be until I die and go home to GOD.  But at least I know it when I see it and can avoid the consequences of not taking the medications prescribed to me. 

So, if I have come across as anything but helpful, I am here to say I am sorry.  I want to be humble like our Lord Jesus and be loving and kind and generous.  He has said in His word, that the servant is not greater than his master.  If they ridiculed Him, they will ridicule me as well.  If they hated Him, they will hate me as well.  He is the masterbuilder.  He is the one that works the miracles.  I am a vessel for His use.  I have no power of my own, only what I draw on from GOD.
You can do it too.  You can have a meaningful life, and be of service to many.  We are all here to help one another.  "Love Ye One Another, even as I Have Loved You!".  I hope only to express love here, and guidance.  Hence what the sight is called:  "A Light In the Night".  I am only here to shine the light on God, not me.  He is all, and in all.  You are no exception.  Know you are loved and that He is here for all of us.  He is truly pure Love.  I wish you only the best.  I hope you draw something good from these posts.  That's what I do them for.

Jesus Mother, A Very Special Woman

Jesus had a very special Mom.  Not only was she chosen by God to carry His Holy Son in her body, she had the great responsibility to help Joseph raise Him to be strong and kind to everyone.  I often wonder what her life was like, knowing He was special.  She watched Him grow up and when He stayed at the temple and was saying such profound things to the older men there, she must have wondered in her private heart, what kind of Son is this?  He knows things I never taught Him and He is just a boy.  She had to wonder what His life would be like as an adult.  She must have loved Him very much.  Her first child.  Her Son, but not her son.  She knew He was special and belonged to God and that someday He would do great things.  But little did she know.

Then, as He grew, and as He began to teach the people, and to say that He was the Son of the Living God, his brother's were astonished and said among themselves, "He is beside Himself.  Let us go and get Him and bring Him hone."  But Jesus was not "beside Himself".  He knew with all assurance that He was God's Son and shared the attributes of the living God, but when the people called Him Good Teacher, He told them not to call Him "good", for only One was good and that was God.

Then when John Baptized Him, suddenly John knew who He was and was shaken because the Son of God should be baptizing him, not he baptizing Jesus.  But Jesus told John, "suffer it to be so now.."   He had to fulfill His earthly purpose and to teach the masses that being Baptized into the body was a necessary act that all should follow who believe in their hearts that Jesus is the Son of God, and that they had received forgiveness of sins and were baptized as He was.  The Holy Spirit rested upon Jesus at His baptizm and all who saw the dove must have pondered it all in their hearts.

He taught the masses, they followed Him everywhere.  He fed them, He healed them, He taught them, and Loved them.  He had compassion on them and He was a wonderful son and a very capable carpenter.  But this carpenter was special.  He came to build His church, and His church was mankind.  Not a temple made by human hands, but a body of people that would be known in future days as Christians.  I have been a Christian since I was 12.  I was a child, but I knew He would be my friend and I really needed a friend.  He has never left me, just like He said.  But His Mother was special.  He loved her tremendously.  He provided a means for her salvation with the crucifying of His own body.  Of course, it was for the whole of humanity that He was to be crucified.

When the soldiers came to Gethsemane to retrieve Him, His mother was probably sleeping.  He was taken to be tried for his acts of kindness.  He would be spat upon, called THE KING OF THE JEWS in mocking tones.  His robes would be torn to shreds except that one soldier said "it has no seems.  It is the most beautiful robe I've ever seen.  Let us cast lots for it."  So they did.  While the King of Glory was being whipped and prepared for crucifixition, his mother got word of what was happening and she and her companions went to the site of the cross being errected, with her precious son attached to it by nails in his hands and feet.  The grief in her heart must have been almost too much to bear.  He had always been such a good Son.  He had taught, fed, and bathed the feet of his disciples, and now here He was alone, except for the women.  Where were all his followers now? 

As Jesus was dying a slow painful death, his mother, striken with grief, stood transfixed at the foot of the cross and looked upon her son's face.  Blood ran down his face from the thorns in his brow.  He was beaten and bruised amd he was thirsty.  But standing by his Mother, was one of his disciples whom He loved dearly.  He looked upon his Mother's grief-striken face and said to her, "Woman, behold thy son."  And to his disciple, He said "behold thy Mother".  He made provision for her even in His pain.  In the darkness of the moment, the earth shook and the sky grew black.  One of the soldiers said, "Truly this man was the Son of God."  The earth shook with a violent quake and Jesus said "My God, My God, why hast thou forsaken me?"  His Mother was there.  Where was God?  And then, after He had asked God to "forgive them...for they know not what they do!", He said "it is finished", and He gave up His Spirit to God, and He died.  I don't think I could have stood it.  I could not watch my own son die and so cruelly and mercilessly. 

The Bible says that Mary was told "A sword shall peirce thine own soul also, that the hearts of many may be revealed."  What could it all mean?  Who would peirce His Mother's soul?  The death of her first born son?  I felt this would be a good post for Mother's Day because it is so heart breaking, that Jesus would make provision for His own Holy Mother, even as He was dying.  He gave His life for her, and the gift of Salvation was born.  What a woman she must have been, to have had the privilege and the duty, to raise the Son of the Living God and what Love Jesus had for her.  What a beautiful story of Love and Devotion for a beautiful Sunday, yet another Mother's Day.  The gifts are special, but it's the love behind them that make Mother's Day special.  All Mother's deserve a round of applause for all they do for their children.  And let us not forget Mary's example of the Love that a Mother has for her Son.  Let us love as she did, and ponder all these things in our hearts. 

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY TO ALL MOTHER'S EVERYWHERE.  GOD TRULY LOVES YOU AND HAS GIVEN YOU GREAT RESPONSIBILITY.  BUT NONE SO GREAT AS MARY.  SHE IS THE EPITOME TO WHAT WE ALL ASPIRE TO.  LOVING HER SON TO THE END, AND THE BEGINNING OF THE PROMISE OF ETERNAL LIFE. 

Thank you Jesus, for all Mother's everywhere.  I Love You.
Bonnie Gay

He's Alive! Praise God, He's Alive!

Do you think you are alone in your trials?  Do you face day after weary day, worn out by the rat race and the so-called "reality" that "society has set up"?  I was told this once.  I was told in all sincerity by someone who felt they knew my path, that the true reality that I wouldn't face, is the 9:00 to 5:00 reality of the work force here in the U.S.  I decided at that moment, that I had already received all the help I could possibly expect from this person, and I left and never went back!  You see, MY reality is God.  With God, ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE!  The only thing we ever have to do is put our faith and trust in GOD.  Not man!  JESUS is ALIVE!  You are HIS CHILD!  There is no problem, big or small, that He can't fix!  He created us!  He alone can heal us of all our sins and weaknesses and illnesses.  There is nothing we can't overcome.  Absolutely nothing!

The economy is in the tank.  There are people who have lost it all.  No home, no job, no place to sleep, no food.....these are all real problems.  But if we as a society turn our faces to God and ask His powerful help in every situation, He will show us the way to bring things back into perspective.  Perhaps this has happened for a reason.  Maybe He is trying desperately to get our attention and turn this country around.  Maybe He wants us to "Love Ye One Another!"  Perhaps he is looking for the Samaritans in this world.  You know, the one who stopped to help the victim laying beside the road that the Doctor passed by on the other side of the road!  Perhaps JESUS was that Samaritan.  Perhaps you need the helping hand of Jesus today.  Rest assured, HE IS ALIVE!  And He want's desperately to help you know this in a personal way.

He is called a personal savior for a reason.  When you go to church, and sing, and pray, that's all well and good.  But out in the street is where it counts.  What you pray in church is good.  But what you do outside the church, everyday of your life,  that's the proof of the pudding.  You have to live your faith.  As my Grandfather always said, "Talk is cheap!  It takes money to buy whiskey!"  Not that I want you to go out and buy some whiskey!  I want you, if you are a Christian, to start putting hands and feet on your prayers.  The Bible says, that "faith without works is dead!"  We can't run to church on Sunday and pray up a storm, and then on Monday when we go to work, forget all about Jesus and plunge into the rat-race once more.  He is alive and real today, and He perhaps want's you to help someone today.  Maybe He is waiting for you to be that Samaritan....  Maybe He is the man laying by the side of the road, beaten and robbed.... Maybe this is the reality so many of us are blind to.  We live in a material world.  But we don't have to be materialistic.  We can be spiritual and find peace and spread the word that Peace Can Be Found TODAY!

Are you walking your own path with God?  Has your heart cried out in all the misery around us, for someone, anyone to make a difference?  Maybe He is wating on YOU to make a difference....

Today, if you have Peace of Mind, share it with someone who doesn't.  Allow God to work through you and reach out to someone with compassion.  We are all here together for a reason, and not one of us is getting out alive!   It's what we do while we are here that matters.  It's not reality, 9:00 - 5:00, but the hours after your job when you go home and face all the things that need doing, and the children who need to be fed and bathed and helped with their schoolwork.  Maybe that's your reality.  Maybe you are so tired and you don't think you can go on.  Maybe you are losing your home, your job, you may be ill, alone, scared, sick at heart....  Our Redeemer Liveth...and He Liveth in YOU.  Make a statement for HIM today.  Use the talents He gave you.  Do something to help one person.  Give from your heart, and God will reward you 7 fold.  Don't brag about what you are doing, don't tell anyone.  "when you do your alms, don't let your left hand know what your right hand is doing, and God who seeth in secret, will reward you openly!"  Don't tell a soul.  Only God needs to know, and He is watching all of us. 

The clock is ticking.....the minutes are passing by.  What are YOU doing with your time?  The hour is late...  one day the King will come.  I for one am going with Him.  To dwell forever in Paradise with the King of Glory.  Let's make a difference...today.

Because He Lives

I have posted before about my life and the problems I have overcome.  I have just begun to share what God has done in my life and I am happy and at peace after years of being ill and not able to deal well with my past and the problems I have had.  I have blamed others for my disease, my parents, especially, and my brother and the people I worked for and with, and so on and so on.  I have discovered that as long as I hold on to my anger, I will be denied the peace I so much need.  It doesn't matter about the past.  It's over and done.  I have a wonderful husband who has been so very patient with me, I have 3 wonderful children who are intelligent and healthy and they are devoted to me.  I have 7 wonderful grandchildren, and they too love their Grandma.  I have so many gifts from God to share with and love and teach, how can I stay angry over a disease that affects millions of people?  I am fortunate beyond measure, to be well today and out from under the subduing effects of medication.  It kept me sane for years, and it helped me to find great insight.  That's my destiny.  To have overcome this disease with the love of family and God and people I have met along the way.  I am so blessed and so lucky to have met the man I am married to.  He is not a Christian, he is a Taoist, and the gifts he has from the Tao has helped me to find it myself.  It is the power of the living universe and can be tapped into to help others and to give us the sustenance we need.  We are all a part of it.  It is the life force and I call it God.  To me, it is the living power of almighty God to teach us, lead us, and give us gifts of great insight and mastery over the problems of life.  It is about being a part of nature, and finding the earth rich and giving and protecting.  The things that exist are our God-given heritage.  He created the earth and all the things we need to insure we are to have a long and healthy existence.  People today need this knowledge.  My husband is well-versed in the Tao and all it is and can perhaps explain it better than me.  I only know it is real and that I have found the living power of God and it is in everything.  Every human being is our brother and sister, mother and father.  We are all connected by the life force.  We are all one.  There is no need for wars and killing and murdering one another.  We are one people, one world.  We can have peace if we seek it.  If you think of God as a spirit, as the Bible teaches, it is easy to understand that He created everything for our benefit.  We have destroyed so much that He made for us.  We have killed innocent children and people and there have always been wars and most likely will always be.  But it doesn't have to be that way.  With knowledge of the Tao, we can change the world.  It is a gift.  It is the spirit of God.  It has always been, and always shall be.  I have eternal life because Jesus died that I might have it.  He died that I might have life abundantly, and you can have it too.  You don't have to do without the things you need.  There is enough food, enough money, enough goods, enough shelter for everyone.  It is the greedy hearts of mankind that have kept things in such a turmoil.  The hearts of men need a change.  Only God can do this.  Prayer and fasting, searching for truth, telling others about the freedom they can find for their lives and the creativity that exists in each and every one of us.  It is free.  It doesn't come to just a few people.  It is there for everyone.  God and you can connect like never before.  The Bible says that "God is a spirit and those who worship Him must worship Him in spirit and in truth."  God is the spirit of the Tao.  He is not far away in a place we can't see or approach.  He is right here!  In every living thing.  He is a part of all of nature.  We walk and move and live and have our being in God.  He is all around us and through us and it is available and a part of all of us.  You only need to look in your own soul and your own heart and find the compassion that was made into you before you were ever born.  God's spirit lights every man that is born into the world.  He is the light.  He is the sun, the moon, the ocean, the sand of the beaches, the clouds, the rain the snow.  He is all and in all.  Read about it.  Learn about it.  Look within and find God.  When you do, Life will open up to you and you will know you are loved.  God gave you this freedom.  Use it and set yourself free of your past, your upbringing, anything that was a detriment to you.  You can let it all go and embrace life today as you never have before.  He has given me these words to speak to you.  I allow Him to use me in any way He sees need of and He does.  He is speaking to you and reaching out to you to embrace your God-Given heritage.  It is your right.  Don't deny your right to have these things.  Embrace life in all its glory and wonder and know that you are supremely loved and treasured by God, more than you ever thought possible.

The Quest for Money, Fame, and Earthly Posessions

Ah mankind.  If you only knew the treasures that only God can give!  I am a country gal, born and raised in West Virginia.  I lived in the little coal mining town of Ameagle which is all forest now.  I lived there until I was 8 years old, knew nothing of the big world outside our little town, and was oblivious to things like kidnapping, molestation, and murdering little children and throwing them in a deserted part of the country.  I never experienced any of that and my family life was calm, though poor.  My parent's disagreed on some things, I am sure.  But the real trouble didn't set in until we moved into the city and my grandmother lived with us.  My Dad and my grandmother didn't get along, (she was my Mother's mother).

The quest for material posessions in the coal fields was not apparent.  My Mom did get a new stove, a necessary item, and my grandmother helped us out with clothing and extra food from her brother-in-law's restaurant on the weekends, when she'd come bearing gifts for everyone.  My Dad had moved into her house after he and my Mother were married.  My grandmother's husband had recently passed away, and my Dad had been drafted into the Navy and spent 3 years away during WWII.  When he came back, he moved into my grandmother's house instead of getting a place for himself and my Mother.  Grandmother was a very outspoken woman, and had no patience for my Dad.  Her husband had been a very strong man, foreman of the mines he had worked in since he was 6 years old.  His lunch bucket dragged the ground because he was a child.  He brought water to the miners.  But he stuck with it because that's what one did in the coal fields.  His oldest son Earl also worked in the mines when he was old enough, and my Dad did too after he was out of the Navy.  In the coal fields, life was hard.  I remember things like washing our clothes out by hand, and then my grandmother bought a washing machine and it sat out on the back porch where they did their laundry.  They had to put the clothes through a balloon wringer and once my grandmother's hand and arm were accidentally drawn into the wringer and she had severe bruising.  Then they would hang the clothes out on a line, even in the dead of winter.  They didn't have the fancy things we have today, but I didn't know we were poor.  In spite of sometimes having nothing but oatmeal for 3 meals a day, I was quite pudgy and I don't remember being hungry.  My grandmother took up the slack and would make lightbread rolls, homemade fried apple pies, and sometimes fried potatoes.  There was a time when the people from my parent's church took up a collection and filled our back porch with groceries.  They did that for more than one famliy back there.  I attended school in an old wooden school house, and I walked to school no matter the weather.  Maybe that's a story other's have told their children, and it's the absolute truth.  We didn't worry back there; we were safe in our little town. 

Then, one day the mines closed down.  I wasn't old enough to realize why or what that would mean for the folks living there.  One Sunday I was reading the funny papers and I overheard my Dad and Mom talking in the kitchen.  My Dad said we'd have to move to Huntington and that he would go there first and find us a house to live in.  He didn't have a job yet, so I don't know how they managed that.  But he did find a little 2 room house, a red one, and the process of moving became a reality.  We moved in, but soon realized it was going to be far too small.  My Dad and Mom went looking, shortly thereafter, for a bigger house, and they found one.  A little white house, with 2 floors, and a huge kitchen and a living room.  All the bedrooms were upstairs and a bathroom on both floors I think.  Anyway, my Mom always referred to it as the Dial House, which was the man's last name that owned the property.  I took the bus to school.  My brother was 5 and I don't remember where he went to school. 

We had no car, except my grandmother's, but she worked and lived in Charleston with her mother and family for a while.  My father found a job selling vacuum cleaners door-to-door.  He wasn't trained for much.  He couldn't use his Navy skills, or his mining skills.  He had to take what he could find.  Soon we moved to Charleston and my grandmother moved back with us.  The fighting was kept to a minimum, I don't remember much about them then.  We lived in a house on a very high hill and I still walked to school in the freezing cold.  There was a TV in this furnished house we were renting, and we watched a lot of TV shows for past time.  Later on we moved back to Huntington and we moved several times after that and I don't really remember why.  Then the fighting between my grandmother and my Dad began and my Mom would just stay mute and not get involved.  She was dominated by her Mother, and had been as a child too I guess.  She was her Daddy's girl and he had passed away just before my Mom conceived me.  She grieved for him for many years.  Then my Dad began having seizures.  Pent up emotions probably didn't help anything.  But my homelife began to be quite a terror for all of us.  I hated the seizures, was afraid of my own father, and just tried to stay out of the way.

After all the moving, it became clear to my parents that my Dad would have to go back into the Navy to make a decent living for his family, and so he did, and we moved out of state to Virginia.  Alexandria to be exact.
They began collecting things like TV's, and so on, new furniture, clothes, the things everyone had way before we did.  But it got so they were never happy.  There was always the next thing, and the next.  They had already stopped going to church.  They professed to believe in God, but our homelife just got worse and worse.  I tried to ignore it and just do well in school.  I liked Alexandria and I was able to take field trips to Washington D.C. from the school I attended.  We saw many interesting things, like the White House, the Pentagon, the Jefferson Memorial, the Washington Monument in the city not too far from where we lived.  I was happy and just concentrating on my own life.

We moved many more times, and my Dad always seemed distant to us.  He wanted to be a writer.  He wanted to preach.  He wanted to be noticed, respected, well-paid, and so on.  He never seemed to find what he was looking for.  In later years, they bought a house, and were doing fairly well for themselves.  The Navy became my life.  We moved so much and I had attended 15 different schools by the time I graduated.  The point of all this is, it doesn't take things, money, fame or any of those things to be happy and fulfilled.  I had always concentrated on one thing as something I'd like to see in my future.... my own family.  During the time we were moving so much, I began to get heavier and heavier.  I was miserable when we moved to Kodiak, Alaska.  I had been in a wonderful school with prospects of going to a brand new high school in the fall.  I was active in the band and went to all sorts of concerts, and won awards.  I was to be in the band again at Princess Anne High School, and had trimmed down to a size 10.  I was happy and looking forward to my new life at a new school.  But, one day my father came home and told us to pack because we were moving to Alaska.  I was very sad. 

When we arrived on Kodiak, I knew I had landed in outerspace.  I hated the very sight of it from the begining.  The next 3 years would be a trial.  I survived it all somehow, but there were many fights over things and money and my grandmother and no one ever seemed truly happy.  The only time our home was peaceful was when my Dad was at work.  No fights, no throwing dishes, no seizures to deal with.  This all seems so unrelated to the title of this posting, but their desire for more money, better houses, new furniture, better clothes, a new fur coat, money for this and that and fighting filled my life.  It was disasterous.  God seemed farther and farther away from us as a family.  I knew at 15 that if anyone could set a good example for my brother and sister, it was me.  I don't know how I knew, but I attended church with my grandmother on Sundays, and became a member of the Guild Girls that was a church oriented group of young teen's that would meet in the basement of the church once a week and make dinner together and pray together.  I attended camp for a week at Woody Island with all the kids from Sunday school that wanted to go.   I grew close to God, tried in my way to serve him, and got my best friend to accept Jesus as her Savior.  I counted for something with someone warm and loving for the first time in a long time. 

After 3 years, we left the island and moved to California.  That's where they bought a house.  I attended school in a new school in Chula Vista, and my father went overseas.  He was gone for 9 months and there was peace once more.  My Uncle passed away in November, and my grandmother flew back east for the funeral of her eldest child.  She moved to Florida for a while and lived with one of her brothers.  It was only Mom and the kids for 7 months.  And so went my life, moving to new places, new experiences, most of them bad, and listening to the fighting between people who were supposed to love one another.  I don't know what happened to my parents, but the quest for more things drove a wedge between them and my dad never got the recognition he so desired.  Eventually he left Mom and became an alcholic, got himself thrown out of the Navy, and abandoned all of us to our fate.  Eventually I found work, bought a car to get to work in, and did the best I could to be that role model my brother and sister needed.  At one point I took care of my Dad's responsibilities until I became ill and ended up in a psychiatric hospital.  Too much strife?  Too many shattered dreams?  Or was it fate?  Who knew.  For years I struggled to get well and carry on with my life without the support of a loving family.  Is this what cravings do to you?  Make you unloving and bitter and miserable?  Do you tell each other you wish the other one was dead so you could pursue your own selfish desires?  My parent's had.  And then, I moved out on my own finally.  I had got well to the point of being able to leave the hospital on my own, and I walked the 5 miles to my Mom's house.  I wasn't well by any means, and had many difficult times, but I was strong because God was in my soul.  He had come to me in Kodiak when I really needed a friend.  Jesus came and He never left, although at times I was sure He had.  I decided all I needed was someone to love me and accept me the way I was.  I still wanted a family.  Still wanted cihldren, but at 28 I decided all that was behind me.  I settled for working till I could retire and then live until it was time to die.  Not a very bright future.

But God had other plans.  He had looked into the heart of this child, forgotten and abandoned by loved ones, and He brought out of the chaos a wonderful man just for me.  He has given us 3 sweet and smart kids, and a home, and a good husband to take care of me.  I have all I ever wanted.  I was able to work for years and help my husband with the money we needed for our family.  We moved several times, and always to a better place.  Now I am retired, we have 7 grandchildren, and my husband has a good job that pays him well.  We all share when there is extra money.  No one goes without, and no leaves to pursue a different life, or fame, or more money, or more cars.  We have the peace that god gives and there is no fighting and throwing things.  We don't wish one another dead.  I have come out of a dark and vicious illness and am able to really enjoy all the life has to give.  I am free, because God has set me free!  He gives us the strength to carry on in the dark of night.  We face many things in life, some of them devastating, some filled with sorrow.  But He never leaves us.  Even when we have lived selfish lives, have abandoned those who need us, and have sought the things of the world.  He still cares, is still patient, and still has the answers we so sorely need.  These posts are about my life, because God has given us beauty for ashes.  Both my husband and I had difficult times, and we carried on alone at opposite sides of the country.  Who could have known we would meet, fall in love, and make the family I had always dreamed of?  We nurtured each other, were the parent figure at times for each other, because the parent figures in our lives were almost non-existant.  But those things are behind us and have been for years.  This post has been extensive, because I had a story to tell.  Maybe you who are reading this have experienced some of these things.  Maybe you're from a broken home.  Maybe you don't see the Light in the Night, but I want to tell you it's still there.  Maybe you have doubts.  Maybe a lot of things.  But one thing is true and I'll tell you from first hand experience, that God knows
the desires in your heart.  He knows those secrets that you cherish.  Those dreams you have chased and thought lost.  And He will fulfill you with success and will reward you with the things you have sought for your whole life.  If you learn to trust in something greater than yourself, you will find what you are looking for.  It's better than gold, better even than the rainbow.  God Himself will be your counselor and your helpmeet.  I know.  He brought me out of all my dark past experiences and set me down in the bright light of the sun, where I can grow and thrive and enjoy life.  He has become my salvation, and my bright morning star.  He has rewarded my diligent search for love and happiness and I am happy and content in my new life.  All because I dared to believe in my heart of hearts that somewhere in this world, I would find what I was looking for.  Love.

Forgiveness

In my last post, I related some things that were a part of my life in my childhood and throughout some very difficult times in my life as an adult.  I realize I have not forgiven them completely for what they did, or I would be able to tell my story without having the empty feeling revisit me.  Jesus said that in order to be forgiven for our mistakes and sins, we must forgive others.  And so, in posting my personal stories, I see that I must also forgive my parent's for what they did if I hope to see them again and embrace them as people I love.  They did give me a good start in life.  They took me to church and I listened.  I went to Bible School in the summer and brought home pictures to my Mother.  I remember the smell of the white paste and the crayons we used to color pictures of Jesus and past them on sheets of colored paper.  I remember so many good things that they did, that far outweigh the things they did that hurt me.  They hurt me most by not trusting me, nor trying to understand me.  But nonetheless, I must forgive.

Jesus had brothers and sisters, and when He began preaching and telling the people that gathered around Him, that He was the Son of God, His brothers said, "He is beside Himself!"  "Let us go and get him?".  They thought He was crazy too.  He knew who He was, He knew why He was here and His story is still told today as it has been down through the ages.  In spite of what people may think, and say, they need this humble man in their lives today.  He gives us peace, the living water of life, salvation, forgiveness for all our sins, and they are many.  We need to be forgiven, so we may learn how to forgive.  He told us, "If you stand praying and you have anything against thy brother, go to your brother and set things right, and then come and pray."  My brother wasn't perfect.  Neither was I.  He got into drugs because he had no guidance, no father to show him the way.  He rebelled against our Mother and try as she might, he went his way and plainly told her it was none of her business.  He too needs forgiveness, not from me, but from my Mother.  She passed away in 1981, and he had a very difficult time.  He tried to blame her death on the fact I wouldn't let her keep my son's and send them to the same school that my sister had attended when she was little.  It was my turn to raise my own sons.  I said no.  He blamed me and my sister too, because she moved out of our Mother's house just before she died and took her infant daughter with her.  She didn't want to be left there with my Dad and my brother because she said she would never be able to get away if she didn't leave then.  She too was blamed for my Mom's death, because she took her own child and moved in with a man she barely knew.  Anything to escape the house and how it would be without our Mom.

There are things in all our lives that we find difficult to forgive.  But one important lesson I have learned is that when I forgive, the pain I feel goes away and I am freer and can live my life the way I choose, by serving God and filling my heart with love instead of hatred and bitterness.  I had parents.  They may have made many mistakes and they may have sinned profoundly, but they were human and they had to answer for themselves when their time to face God came.  I will have to as well, and so I choose to forgive, make things right with those I may have wronged and who wronged me, and let the healing power of God help me to overcome my feelings of rejection and abandonment.  They were good people at heart, but were led astray by the things the world has to offer.  They sought material possessions and couldn't get enough.  They had very poor beginnings.  I suppose they earned the life they had become accustomed to, and made their own money.  I guess it was only right that they invest their money in things.  That's what they found fulfillment in.

I am most fortunate to have found my fulfillment in knowing God as my father and mother, and He has led me every step of the way in my recovery from a disease that man cannot heal.  Schizophrenia.  I became ill as early as 16.  I didn't look familiar to myself.  But teenagers change every day and this disease is hard to detect in someone so young.  I really became very ill at 18 1/2 and I was diagnosed finally at the age of 22 when it became apparent to others at work that there was something wrong with me.  I left work one day because I felt so bad, and drove home.  I went to my room and laid on my bed.  I told my Mom a story that wasn't true about why I had come home early, and for 3 days thereafter I didn't go to work.  I didn't call in.  I was too sick to think clearly.  Finally my boss called my Mother and she told him what I had said.  He told her that wasn't true and that they thought at work that she should take me to see a Doctor.  They did, I was diagnosed, and from that moment until today I have been on medication and receiving psychotherapy for my illness.  I have greately improved, have a wonderful supportive family, a wonderful husband who has never left me and has dealt with this disease and heart disease since we got together back in 1975.  I have had remission from the devastating effects of this disease, and currently I am on a very low dose of medication.  The more I look back at my past and forgive the things that were done to me, the better I get.  I have complete peace and rest because my husband is so trustworthy and he keeps an eye on me when I am not aware of it and he notices things that I may overlook.  But for the most part, he is free to live his life and enjoy his work and his hobbies, we have grown children, and 7 grandchildren and he also enjoy's them.  He has a good job, he is a steady worker, and he has never gone to bars after work when a drink would probably have done him good!  He comes home, takes care of his family and does the things he needs to do.  He never knew his own father, he left when Jack was 3 months old.  His mother was 16 and didn't raise him, her Mom and her Grandmother did.  He wasn't loved, was beaten, and treated badly.  He is who he is because he endured and somehow he has grown to be a wonderful man, without the aid of a father or loving mother to teach him things about life.  He is a self-educated, and self-made man.  He is strong, can be tender, has always had my best interest at heart, and God has always met our needs.

This is the result of 2 people meeting by chance?  I don't think so, never have, and never will.  I believe God sent this person into my life to lead the way to the light of life and to help me rediscover who I am without all the hate and discord that had filled my life.  He has given me everything and I could not be more blessed and thankful.  I can't sing his praises enough because he has always been here for me, given me the desires of my heart, which was a family, and has been and remains, devoted to me.

Forgiveness.  A word with 11 letters.  It spells freedom.  It spells healing.  It spells forgiveness for me, for the things I may have done, and I have learned this lesson over the years and since my last post, I have realized, I need to forgive my parents too.  This disease has no cure, or so men say.  But the Bible says, "With God, all things are possible!"  Even the healing of schizophrenia.  It's a death sentence, not that it kills you, but that it robs you of life.  I have prayed, used meditation and introspection, taken my medications, lived my life, visited my doctor when I was scheduled to and I have found freedom in God to leave this disease in the past.  The more I trust God, the easier things get, because even though I'm 65, I have a young spirit and have never given up on life.  It hasn't been easy, but it is worth the fight.  I have come a long way in life, have learned many things, and have much to share with the world.  This is my platform.  I want to share the news that you too can be free.  Learn to forgive and set yourself free of the sorrows you may have known in the past.  Forgive those who may be in your life today that don't understand you or criticize you for what they see as your faults.  If you have nothing to forgive, you are lucky.  If you do, and you're tired of the pain and the bitterness it leaves you with, ask
God to help you forgive.  It will be the best day of your life and you will feel light hearted and at peace and full of joy because when your heart is filled with pain, Jesus is nearest.  He knows your suffering and He longs to be your friend and your God.  He want's to set you free.  Accept his love and Forgiveness today and receive the gift of eternal life He died to give you.  It's free.  You can have it today!  You only need to ask Him, and He will come to you with open arms!

The Love of a Father

I have no memory of being a baby, no one does.  But my Mother told me when I was older that when I was about 2 weeks old, my father got up in the middle of the night to change me and he spanked me for wetting my diaper.  My Mother took me from him needless to say, and I have no real memory of being spanked, but it was the beginning of a very rough relationship with my biological father that would mark me for my whole life.  I thought there was nothing like my Dad.  I had no idea as a child that he had done that to me and I didn't understand when I was 2 and 3 that whenever I'd go to my Dad when he was home at night and he'd be busy doing things I didn't know about, trying to learn blueprinting and various other things, he would yell at me and tell me to go away and leave him alone.  I didn't understand when I was 10 and he would laugh at me for being overweight.  I didn't understand why he yelled at my grandmother and my mother and called her a lesbian.  I didn't know what that meant but I was affected by the sharpness with which he addressed all of us.  He would come home at night and after he ate he would lock himself in the bedroom away from all of us and ignore us.  He had seizures and that frightened me also.  I didn't understand anything about him until I was much older.  He had many problems and he never paid enough attention to his responsibilities of raising 3 children and loving his family, which was never evident.  He was loud, aggressive, avoided going on picnics with us or to any family activities.  He ignored my brother, and he would ask Dad to go outside and throw a ball with him, but his answer always was that he was too tired.  He'd sit in the corner in the living room and read a book or some other solitary activity and ignore all of us.  I can't remember very much about him except that we had peace when he wasn't around.  It left a void in my life that no one else could fill.  No one that is, but God.  That partially explains why I feel the way I do about God as my Heavenly Father.  One night when my parents were fighting and my little brother was crying, my baby sister was hiding in her closet, and I was sick with the flu or worse, I laid in the dark in my cold room and begged God to take my life.  To take my soul to heaven because I couldn't take any more pain.  I cried myself to sleep and when I woke up the next day, I had a sensation of being someone else.  I felt peaceful inside and comforted.  I felt different about my Mother and Father, but I knew I had to leave and go and serve this God who had changed me when I didn't have the strength to go on.  I was abused, neglected, and abandoned eventually by my family, but God gave me the strength to go on and live a good life and to be a better person because of my past, rather than let it destroy me and turn to drugs, alcohol or suicide.  I have had a hard life, I've been sick a lot and have heart disease.  But I know that God brought me the man I am married to and he is so good to me and loves me so deeply.  I am truly blessed.  I have 3 children, grown now and they too have filled my life with joy and pride.  I now have 7 grandchildren as well and they are all loving and sweet to me.  I have 30 messages on my phone that I have kept recorded over the years and they all begin with my grandchildren saying "Grandma".  They mean the world to me and I can't express enough how much I love God for giving me this wonderful family and turning my life around.

I have gifts that God gave me, most of all a huge heart that loves people and want's to help those who have been in darkness and couldn't see the light.  I've known great fear in my life, and loneliness and I found comfort in the arms of my Savior.  He was gentle and kind when I was sick and attended to me when I was groping to find the way at various points in my life.  I have approached writing this blog from the view point of relating what is in the Bible, when most people can read for themselves.  I decided to tell you about me and why I love God, because I am compelled to share my story with others who know pain, fear and abuse and rejection.  I felt alone and rejected by many and ridiculed for being overweight most of my life.  No wonder I find it so hard to lose weight.  I had baggage that no one should have to carry, but I did anyway and it brought many hard times to my family.  I have tried to be a good person, and loving and kind in spite of the things I have endured and my family members all love Grandma.  God made the difference in my life.  He is real and kind to me and He has great power to heal and to find the lost and lead them out into the sunlight and to the springs of living water where we can drink our fill and never pay one cent for the love that Jesus died to give us.  He is real and He is a personal Savior and my guardian for all my days.  When He said "I will never leave you, nor forsake you", He meant it and He has proven His love to me over and over again.  I have a calling to help others in finding their way to Jesus if I can, and I am here to do this.  I don't have to have anyone's permission, or wait to be considered by a stranger to tell my story and help those who are like me.  I can do it here, and help many more than I otherwise could and that is something I am really endebted to Jesus to accomplish.  I could not have made it without the Lord.  I would have been a drug addict long ago, or killed myself.  I have had to fight with the feelings that I wanted to take my life.  I remember once I was sitting in the floor in my parents bathroom with several bottles of pills in my hands.  I was 18 and in the depths of despair and depression and the anger I felt and the pain begged me to end my life and go on to whatever awaited me on the other side of death.  I would have missed so much.  I would have never met my husband, never had 3 children, would have not touched the lives of others with my story and I would have taken something precious for nothing, when Jesus had given His all for me.  I had given my life to Him at the tender age of 12, and although He has great power and could have kept me from suffering as I did in the years ahead, but I wouldn't be the person I am today and I wouldn't have a story to tell that would encourage others to try to fight the awful urges to end their lives.

There is a loving, living God, and He told me in His word that if my parents abandoned me, then He would take me up, and He did that.  I told Him if He'd be my Father, I would do all I could to bring His love to as many as possible on my journey through life.  I was a child, but I meant it with all my heart.  He took me seriously, became my Heavenly Light forever, and changed me and walked with me through every dark corridor of my life.  He has been closer than a brother, and He has lifted me above all the sorrows I have borne in my life and the loneliness and abandonment of my family.  My parents are dead now, and hopefully God had mercy on them for the mess they made of their children's lives.  I don't know what excuses they offered, it's something every person has to take personal account for.  On my Mother's death bed, she opened her eyes and looked at me and said, "Bonnie, I'm sorry".  She was sorry for trying to get a lawyer to take my twin sons away from me and give them to my family so they could raise them because they told him I was Schizophrenic and couldn't take care of them properly.  They sent the police to my house when my sons were only 4 weeks old and told them I was leaving them alone for 4 and 5 hours at a time.  The police wanted to see my babies, and I let them in.  They saw 2 beautiful baby boys, asleep in their little bed, and the soft glow of the night light in their room, everything clean and in order, and they smiled as they left and told me they were beautiful babies.  They had an ambulance parked in front of my home and were there to take them to Hillcrest receiving home.  Can you imagine the pain I felt, not only rejected by my parents, but they actually tried to take my babies from me.  They offered no support, no help, no caring, no understanding.  I have never gotten over the empty feeling I felt in the pit of my stomach every time I tell this story.  But that's only a sample of the things I've been through.  I have peace in my soul today because God helps me to forgive and love those who have done me wrong in life and in forgiving others, I have found healing for my own heart and soul.  Life is tough.  You need someone strong to be on your side and to help you to live the kind of life you can be proud of.  God is there for all of us.  He is a loving Father and wants to gather us all up into his mighty arms and love us and forgive us and help us to live happy and productive lives.  He is there for you too.  If you need a friend today, ask Him to come into your life and to wrap you up in his big mighty arms of love and let you rest in Him.  If you are tired of the uphill climb and the burdens you bear are weighing you down, turn in your need to the only one who can see your heart and the one who created you, and find the help, love, forgiveness and mercy you so need in this world we live in.  Life can be beautiful and wonderful for you too.  Ask the Father and He will give you the peace you need and meet your needs like no one else can.  I know, for He has been my Father for many years and has really removed the burdens from my shoulders.  I love Him and I do this for Him and for His son, My Loving Savior, Jesus.

Happy Easter! Not Just Another Holiday!

Thank God above for this day.  It is not just any Holiday, not really a gift giving Holiday, but on this day the greatest gift ever given to mankind became a reality!  Jesus rose from the dead to give us victory over the grave and that is the best reality I could ever ask for!  We make Easter baskets for our children and buy bunnies, and when my children were little I tried to teach them the difference between the gift's we give them and the one Jesus gave them.  Our daughter was a capricous and sweet little girl, and our sons were more interested in playing kick the can instead of the Bible readings we tried to apply to their lives, not really listening but thinking about the games they'd play when I finally let them go out.  So, imagine my surprise when Easter Sunday, when my daughter was about 4, I read to them about the significance of Easter and then I posed the question, "Who can tell me the meaning of Easter?" and our little girl's hand shot up as she bounced up and down with glee...  "I can!" she chirped.  Then she answered "Easter is when the Easter bunny killed Jesus!"  I was stunned at first, then realized they were still too young to get it.  I had given them too much information for their little brains to comprehend and I chuckled as I let them go outside to play.

This is a cute story, and while it makes perfect sense to a child, it is perhaps something to think about.  What does Easter mean to you and your's?  A day to hide eggs, and give Easter Baskets and candy eggs, or does it lighten your step to know that those you love will never be separated from you permanently when they pass beyond this reality?  I remember my own Grandma always bought us Sees Easter Eggs with our names written on them and a cross and flowers on top.  But she gave me something more than that.  She went to church until she couldn't walk well enough to take the bus and she always trusted in God to take care of her.  She lived a Christian life, and although she had a temper and said things she called being "honest", which were sometimes rude and hurtful, she none the less had a heart of gold and would always cry when she talked about the people in her life she had lost.  A baby boy, at 9 months of age.  Her other son at 43, and her daughter at 55.  She had buried her Mother, Father, Husband, brothers and sisters and still she had the faith to believe that they were all with God and that she would see them again one day.  That's what Easter is about.  Faith, serving the Master day in and day out, regardless of the cost of losing those we love.  Because she knew Him in her heart and He was always there for her to lean on. 

This is truly a day of celebration and I just wanted to post that for me, Easter is the most important Holiday we have.  The King of Kings rose, giving us reason to celebrate life and the fact that we can have it eternally.  Life is busy, full of good times as well as bad.  But at the close of the day, when you are full of good food and relaxing before bed with those you love, realize that not all days are happy ones.  As our lives draw to a close, and the candle is just about out, we have reason to rejoice even though we must say goodbye, for a while, to those we love.  Death comes to us all.  It's how we live and what we have faith in that matters.  I know, without a doubt, than when my eyes close on planet earth, my spiritual eyes will view the promised land and the spirit God gave me will be joined with God in paradise and all those I have lost will be there as well.  It will be a glad reunion, and one that doesn't have to be dreaded, for we have a Savior, Christ Jesus, who gave his life and fulfilled the debt we all owe, that we might live forever in Heaven with the ones we love and that is truly worth celebrating.

Happy Easter one and all and I hope to continue with the good news that He Lives! 

God's Righteousness - Available to All; We Can Be Sin Free Today!

I've had people tell me that they can't be sin free here on earth.  That they have to die first to be free.  That isn't so, and last night I found the truth in Romans and will post it here for all to read the good news.  Jesus gave us a commandment... "Be ye perfect!  Even as your Father in Heaven is PERFECT."  But even more, we can have His righteousness right here, today, and forever.  Here is what I found:

Dead to Sin, Alive in Christ

Chapter 6, Verses 1-14
     
      What shall we say, then?  Shall we go on sinning so that grace may increase?  By no means!  We died to sin, how can we live in it any longer?  Or don't you know that all of us who were baptized into Christ Jesus were baptized into his death?  We were therefore buried with him through baptism into death in order that, just as Christ was raised from the dead through the glory of the Father, we too may live a new life.

      If we have been united with him like this in his death, we will certainly also be united with him in his resurrection.  For we know that our old self was crucified with him so that the body of sin might be done away with, that we should no longer be slaves to sin - because anyone who has died has been freed from sin.

      Now if we died with Christ, we believe that we will also live with him.  For we know that since Christ was raised from the dead, he cannot die again; death no longer has mastery over him.  The death he died, he died to sin once for all; but the life he lives, he lives to God.

      In the same way, count yourselves dead to sin but alive to God in Christ Jesus.  Therefore do not let sin reign in your mortal body so that you obey its evil desires.  Do not offer the parts of your body to sin, as instruments of wickedness, but rather offer yourselves to God, as those who have been brought from death to life; and offer the parts of your body to him as instruments of righteousness.  For sin shall not be your master, because you are not under law, but under GRACE.


Under Grace is the key.  Jesus died that we might live by Grace and not under the law.  Jesus fulfilled all of the requirements for us when He died on the cross.  He rose again on the 3rd day and set us free from the bonds of sin and death.  We do not have to sin in this mortal body and we will cease sinning if we ask Jesus Christ to come into our hearts and lives and change us.  He changes us permanently and forever by his death and by his resurrection.  Once we do accept Christ, we are set free from sin.  We don't have to go on living a life filled with sin of mankind.  We are washed anew in the blood of Christ and are set free of the sin that so easily besets us.  If we realize we are free, and have a new life hidden in Christ, we are truly free and our mind's are eased because we suffer no condemnation from others, or our guilty conscience.  Set Free!  That means from the moment you accept Christ Jesus, you are FREE from SIN,  and full of the grace and glory of God the father, and His son Jesus.  He gives us the gift of the Holy Spirit to keep us from sinning, and to give us a strong witness to others that sin no longer has dominion over us, for we are free in Christ Jesus, forevermore.

Today is the day of Salvation.....  Time is flying by us.... make today your day.  It will change you in ways you never dreamed possible.  Your dreams can be realities, for with God, All Things Are Possible!